Guilty
by CrimeSceneDna
Summary: With his blood on her hands, denial was never going to be an option. Rated M for future chapters
1. Playing Games

**This is my first ever Criminal Minds fic and it is going to be slightly different. Intrigued to find out more? Leave me a review and let me know what you think**

**Disclaimer: I own no one apart from my own creations. The others I only own in my dreams...**

* * *

**Chapter 1 - Playing Games**

_**I never want to play the games that people play  
I never want to hear the things they gotta say  
I've found everything I need  
I never wanted anymore than I can see  
I only want you to believe  
**_

"Agent Prentiss, I asked you a question." Hotch exhaled deeply as he lent further across the table.

"So it's Agent Prentiss now? What happened to us being friends? What happened to being a family? I can't believe how quickly you turned."

The anger evident in Emily's voice sent shivers down Aaron Hotchner's spine. Today wasn't supposed to happen. Through his years at the BAU he'd experienced many things but this was different, different on so many levels. He remembered the feelings he felt when Elle shot an unsub in cold blood and released that maybe just maybe those feelings were no longer buried.

"You know it isn't like that. I have to remain professional. I don't think you understand the reality of all this."

"Oh I understand. I understand how YOU jumped to conclusions and how YOU have already decided. We all have cases where we meet someone and although the evidence is not yet pointing that way." Emily sighed and took a deep breath.

"You still like them for the crime and in the back of your mind they remain, nothing you do can shake them. When you close your eyes at night you see them carrying out that very crime. You see their face when you look in the mirror each morning and at first you jump because you think they are standing right behind you. Eventually you forget to jump and you make no effort to turn around and check that they are not actually there."

"Emily...."

"Don't Hotch. Don't tell me you think I'm innocent."

"You're making it very difficult for me to believe anything."

"You haven't given me a chance." Emily replied with a saddened tone.

"So here's your chance. Let's start at the beginning." After a slight pause he continued his questioning.

"What were you doing at the house?"

"The same thing you were doing." Emily replied sarcastically before turning to look at the glass window to her right.

"We both know that isn't true. We responded to the call within twenty minutes. I called you as soon as I got the news but you didn't answer. Yet when the team arrived you were already there. How could that be possible Emily? I didn't even leave you a message!"

From the look in his eyes Emily knew he wasn't going to back down and she knew she had to lie. It wasn't a choice it was a compulsion. She'd rather fall than cause devastation and there was nothing anybody could say to change her mind.

"I have his blood on my hands, what more is there to say?!" Emily confessed as she held her hands up to the small light that focused on the table they sat at. She watched the red stains on her hands intently before closing her eyes and saying a silent prayer.

"Is that a confession?"

Emily looked back to Hotch, holding his gaze with everything she had.

"It's whatever you want it to be. Nothing more, nothing less."

Hotch got to his feet much faster than he intended to, knocking his chair to the floor in the process. He didn't stop to return the chair to its normal position. It wasn't because he didn't want to, it was because he couldn't bare to look her in the eye. He left the room quickly, allowing the door to slam behind him before walking into the adjoining room.

"You like her for this?" Morgan questioned as he looked his boss in the eye.

"My heart is telling me that she couldn't do this....that she wouldn't do this but my head is telling me she did."

"As much as it pains me to say this. You know what they say about the heart ruling the head?! Sometimes you have to go with your head no matter how strong the feelings in your heart." He gently rested his hand on the older mans shoulder before speaking again.

"Let's start from the beginning. Maybe we're missing something."

Hotch nodded his head slowly while allowing a loud sigh to escape his lips.

_Flashback_

"_Hotchner." He stated, half asleep as he glanced at the clock beside his bed. The aluminous display flashed 04:30 at him and he knew immediately this was a bad one._

"_There's been reports of gun shots at 346 Madison Street, we thought we better inform you."_

"_Sorry, who is this?" He couldn't help but feel that something about this call wasn't right._

"_Sorry Sir, I'm so sorry. It's Officer Pritchard. I'm new, it's my first week and suddenly it seems I've forgotten my manners." The young voice replied._

"_That's quite alright." Hotch couldn't help but smile a little at the officers obvious nervousness. _

"_So take me through that again." He said as more of a statement than a question._

" _346 Madison Street is the registered address of one of your agents, isn't it?"_

_His heart skipped a beat and he struggled to catch his breath as he allowed the words to register in his mind. 346 was exactly that, 346 Madison Street was none other than the home of one of his agents._

"_Sir? Sir are you there?" The voice seemed worried and a little confused at the sudden silence on the end of the line._

"_I'm here. We'll be there right away. Please approach the house with caution, you have no idea what we may be dealing with here." _

_

* * *

  
_

_They'd checked every room downstairs and had just made their way up the winding staircase when Hotch turned and stopped his team._

"_Morgan come up front with me. Rossi...Reid you cover our backs."_

_Morgan had followed instruction and stepped up alongside his boss with the other two agents closely behind. They flung open doors, announcing their presence on the way in but every room came up empty, that was until they reached the master bedroom. _

_As they rounded the door frame Hotch raised his gun to the figure crouched on the floor._

"_This is the FBI, put your hands where we can see them." He said with authority._

"_Emily??" Morgan's voice echoed around the room as realization set in._

_It was only then that the woman before them looked up. Blood was evident on both her hands and face and a body lay at her feet._

"_Emily is he breathing?" Reid called from the hallway, just about able to see the scene in front of him._

"_No." She replied coldly._

"_Emily, what are you doing here?" Hotch asked with fear evidently etched in his voice._

_Receiving no answer he did the only thing he knew to do, he walked to the suspect and took her hands behind her back. He was much more gentle than he normally would be, after all she wasn't just any subject, she was his friend. She ignored his commands to stand so with a little force he pulled her to her feet receiving a slight groan in return. The groan tugged at his heart strings but he couldn't let them get in the way, she was still a subject after all._

_

* * *

  
_

"We need to go through everything, just like a normal case."

"But Morgan this is far from a normal case." Hotch looked into his friends eyes and sighed. The sadness in them almost mirrored his own.

"Victimology may give us some answers."

"Answers we may not wish to hear." Hotch sighed feeling somewhat deflated with the situation that presented him.

"We have to prepare ourselves for that. I'll see you in the morning." Morgan said as he left the room.

"She has his blood on her hands, what more is there to say?!" Hotch stated to the empty room before turning on his heels and heading towards his office. He would not be going home tonight.

* * *

Emily stared at the four walls surrounding her, intruding her personal space and knew instantly that she wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight or any night soon. She wasn't sure what was going through her mind, all her thoughts had merged into one which ultimately meant everything no longer made sense.

She looked to the patchy ceiling and sighed. Suddenly she realised one thing, spending the rest of her life in here was a worthy sacrifice.

"I just want you to know, it wasn't supposed to end like this...."

_**I never want to play the games that people play  
I never want to hear the things they gotta say  
I've found everything I need  
I never wanted anymore than I can see  
I only want you to believe  
**_


	2. Aftermath

**Here's chapter 2, I already have the bases for chapters 3 and 4 they just need tweaking. I'll try and have chapter 3 posted soon as that's the chapter that the story really starts to unfold in. **

**Story remains unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own**

* * *

_**If it's wrong to tell the truth  
Then what am I supposed to do?  
When all I want to do is speak my mind.**_

The morning sun almost blinded the petite woman as she sat in the car staring at the building in front of her. Walking through those doors would take every bit of strength she had left, after all what was she supposed to say? Was there an easier way to do this? No, she told herself, there was no easy way of doing this.

Slowly she unbuckled her seatbelt, swung her legs round and eased herself out of the car before turning and locking the door. She returned the keys to her purse and slowly but surely started her journey towards the building.

As she entered the reception area she felt all eyes on her, like she was some kind of freak show. She knew for certain at least half the people in the room knew who she was and what had happened the night before. She swallowed and cleared her throat before speaking to the bold looking woman at the desk.

"I'm here to see Agent Prentiss." She said slowly while trying to stop her voice from shaking.

"I'm sorry Agent Jareau I'm under strict orders. No visitors."

JJ sighed and placed her hands on the counter, purposely intruding the woman's personal space. She knew the woman's boldness was all an act and she knew exactly how to get through it.

"If you do not let me through those doors you'll have no more orders to follow."

"I'm sorry, I don't understand what you are saying." The shaky voice replied.

"I'm saying you'll no longer have a job waiting for you in the morning. Understand?"

"Mike! Mike!" The receptionist called quickly.

JJ closed her eyes thinking that maybe she had taken this too far and was about to be busted. A man in his late forties approached the desk and JJ noted his eyes wandering to her chest. She scoffed and turned her head to alert him to her disgust.

"Can you take Agent Jareau through to see Agent Prentiss?"

"I thought she wasn't supposed to be having any visitors?" Mike replied sternly.

"There's been a change of plan Mike. Their office called. Agent Jareau here has a few questions to ask her." She smiled slightly, mainly trying to convince herself that she was doing the right thing.

Emily looked up as she heard the sound of the door opening and cursed at the sight before her. The overweight officer with his thinning hair and bug like eyes was escorting the one person she really didn't want to see right now into the room. She didn't want to see anybody at all but she would have traded JJ for anyone of the others, it would be so much easier that way. She didn't need to see this person again, that wasn't the deal. She told herself that she wouldn't have to face this and she hated herself for silently being grateful of Hotch's demands of no visitors. Who was she trying to fool?! She knew deep down that it wouldn't stop her; she'd break down any barrier she had to, just to get the things she wanted.

"How are you feeling?'' JJ asked with the slightest smile as soon as the door was closed.

"You're not supposed to be here. I need you to leave." Came the agitated reply.

"Em please...." Her sentence was quickly cut short.

"Don't JJ. Just don't. I don't know what you want from me. I'm sorry..I just" she sighed quietly before continuing.

"I just want you to know that I never envisioned this. So many thoughts rushed through my mind when all this began but I never thought it would end this way."

"Who said this is the end?" JJ replied with tears in her eyes.

"Please you need to leave. I don't want to see you, I don't want to see any of you. Just go."

JJ stood up and turned to the door. She hesitated not wanting to leave but also not knowing what to say. She took two steps forward but quickly stopped allowing one hand to find the wall and the other to find her swollen abdomen.

Emily sensing JJ's sudden discomfort quickly jumped up from her position on the small metal bed and rushed to her side. Momentarily forgetting the need to be alone, she let her hand rest on top of JJ's.

"Sweetie are you okay?" Her voice was full of genuine concern.

JJ turned her head at record pace so that her focus was directly on those deep chocolate eyes which no longer held their sparkle.

"What do you care? You tell me you don't want to see me, you insist I should leave and now you're suddenly concerned? Give me a break Em."

"JJ please." Emily pleads.

"Take your hands off me, or I'll remove them myself!"

Emily's hands flew off of the blonde's body like they had been burnt. She sank to the floor and allowed her body to release the tears she had bottled up inside. JJ blinked back her own tears and sat down on the bed. She'd never seen Emily Prentiss cry before and she couldn't help but be paralysed by the tears. Eventually she regained her composure.

"Em...we can't change what happened and it doesn't matter if...if we meant it to be this way or not. You know when Garcia said everything happened for a reason, she was right." JJ tried to reason but knew her chances were slim.

"And what could possibly be the reason for this?" Emily answered, her answer broken by involuntary sobs.

JJ didn't answer as she racked her brain for some kind of plausible answer. She thought she had found one just as Emily's voice sounded the cell once more.

"This happened so that you can be safe." She smiled a little. "You're both safe now."

"What if I don't want to be safe?!" JJ shouted, earning Emily's immediate attention.

"J, don't be stupid. How can you not want to be safe? You lived every day in fear, fear of what he would do to you. Fear of if he'd take it too far. How can you not be grateful that its over?!"

"I am grateful I just wish that it hadn't left us in this mess. A mess which is all my fault"

"I've made mistakes, big mistakes Jennifer but they were my choices to make, none of this is your fault."

"It takes two to tango Emily! If I was as good as you at compartmentalising then we wouldn't be here now."

Emily opened her mouth to protest but she was stopped in her tracks by JJ's next sentence.

"I kissed you first." Even more tears filled her eyes as she reached for Emily's hand only to find it snatched away from her.

"Just leave JJ. It's over."

JJ closed her eyes in an attempt to halt her tears and stood up moving to hit the small buzzer by the door. Just as Mike returned to escort her back to reception she turned and uttered a few last words.

"This isn't over, its far from over. You don't get to leave me like this."

Before Emily could answer JJ was gone.

Emily punched the wall, allowing her rage to gain control of her body. Determined to not let herself lose anymore control she closed her eyes and allowed her mind to wander through the pain.

_Flashback_

_JJ had quickly disappeared after the morning briefing and the distant look in her eye had certainly been noticed by at least one of the team. Emily made her excuses and promised to meet the others for wheels up in an hour. She headed for JJ's office knowing she wasn't likely to be anywhere else. A slight hesitation outside the door allowed her to regain control of both her breathing and shaking hands. She tried to pretend she didn't know why she was so nervous but it didn't work, it didn't matter how hard she fought it, it wasn't going away. She knocked loudly but didn't wait for a reply before entering._

_As she entered JJ quickly pulled her top back down but not before Emily caught a glimpse of the bluey/purple skin she was trying so hard to hide beneath. Both stood still, transfixed to their positions in the room, neither wanting to be the first to speak. Emily sighed and took a step further into the room, both closing and locking the door behind her._

"_JJ you promised me this had stopped. We stood here not three weeks ago and you promised. It was a one off you said, he apologised and he genuinely meant it."_

"_Because that was the truth. He said he was sorry and like the fool I am, I believed him." JJ sighed, looking to the floor to hide her tears._

"_Is that all?" She nodded her head in the direction of JJ's side. _

_JJ didn't answer and immediately broke eye contact with the profiler._

"_JJ come on, you know you can tell me anything. I'm not going to hurt you."_

"_I wish it was.. I wish it was the only thing he's done." She couldn't fight the sadness anymore and allowed her tears to flow freely._

_Emily moved round the table and wrapped her arms around the blonde's shaking form. She gently rubbed her friend's arm and whispered words of reassurance into her ear. JJ relaxed into her arms and made a decision that would change the rest of her life. It wasn't a decision she made lightly, she'd been fighting it for so long telling herself that she had a good life, a fiancé who loved her and it didn't matter if she didn't love him completely, she loved him enough. But now things had changed, he didn't love her like she thought he did and suddenly she realised that loving him enough was never going to make her happy. To be happy she had to do this. _

"_I can't fight this anymore." _

"_You can't fight what anymore?" Emily questioned._

"_This."_

_JJ slipped her hand behind Emily's neck and adjusted her own head, pressing her lips into Emily's. Emily had kissed her back without a second thought, their lips fought with each others for dominance. It was Emily who eventually pulled away, ending the kiss as quickly as it had started. Her conscience was too much for her to handle._

"_JJ I can't do this."_

"_Right. This is my fault, I'm sorry. I was stupid to hope you felt the same." Her voice was small, barely audible in fact. _

"_It's not that I don't feel the same....because I do."_

"_Then why?" JJ pleaded._

"_I can't take advantage of you, I won't take advantage of you."_

"_You're not taking advantage, I kissed you first!"_

"_That's irrelevant and you know it. You're confused J, you're going through hell at home and you're mistaking your feelings for something they are not."_

"_That's not true! I've never felt surer of anything in my life."_

"_How long?" Emily sighed in defeat._

"_Almost a year."_

_Emily sighed again but this time in relief. "Almost as long as me." She smiled a little earning a slightly bigger smile from JJ in response. _

"_I have to go." Emily said as she released her arms from around JJ's shoulders and headed to the door, unlocking it once she reached it. _

"_Why do you run?"_

"_Excuse me?"_

"_Why do you run from everybody who cares about you?"_

"_I'm not running from you JJ. Wheels up in 10 minutes and I don't want to be late. You should get ready too." _

"_Em I'm sorry, I just..."_

"_It doesn't matter honey, you're right I do run but I'm not going to this time. I promise."_

_JJ smiled, picked several folders up from the desk and followed her new found lover from the room. _

JJ slammed the car door behind her and allowed her head to fall onto the steering wheel. Her heart was breaking a million times over; she'd lost everything in the space of a few hours. The only thing she was sure of was that she started this mess, she'd made the decision to start an affair but in reality it went back way further than that. She'd also made the decision not to tell Emily how she felt, she'd had many chances but instead she tried to deny her feelings. Meeting Will had helped with that and she'd stupidly gotten herself into a long distance relationship that her heart didn't really want. Time had gone so quickly and she'd been reckless and stupid and now she was paying the price.

She was about to pull away when her cell phone buzzed at her side. She winced at the caller id flashing at her and knew she was in trouble. The receptionist hadn't been as easy to convince as she had thought.

"Hello."

"JJ we need to talk."

"I'm kind of busy right now, can't it wait?"

"Now JJ. I'll see you in my office in 10 minutes."

She quickly closed her phone and threw it into her open purse before heading in the direction of work. Today was only going to get worse.

_**If it's wrong to tell the truth  
Then what am I supposed to do?  
When all I want to do is speak my mind.**_


	3. I Confess

_**Disclaimer - I own no one, unfortunately otherwise Will really would be dead.**_

* * *

_**If it's wrong to do what's right  
I'm prepared to testify**_

Hotch closed the door behind her as soon as she'd taken a seat at his desk. He was more than angry, he was furious. He'd made a point of letting all the agents know that under no circumstances were they to visit Emily without his permission. When he had said all, he had especially meant JJ. They weren't even supposed to be working the case, they were too closely involved and now things were going to spiral out of control. He chose not to take a seat and paced the room instead.

"Jennifer I understand you want answers, that you need to know why but I specifically asked you to stay away."

JJ laughed a little startling Hotch in the process.

"She gave me nothing, it was a waste of time really. I didn't get any of the answers I went for."

"We'll get answers, it's what we do but we'll do it the right way. Doing things like that is going to get the team in even more trouble. I know this is difficult but we still need to do our job. "

Not getting an answer he tried to reassure his friend.

"She must have thought she was doing the right thing, or she didn't have a choice."

"Hotch she didn't do this." JJ sighed.

"How can you be so sure?"

JJ cleared her throat and turned to face him. She wasn't completely sure if this was going to work but she figured it's all she had.

"Because it was me."

"JJ are you confessing to killing your own fiancé?" Hotch questioned, shock more than evident in his voice.

"I believe I am."

"Why?"

"I only want to relive this once, I'll tell you but with the rest of the team present. I want them to understand."

Fifteen minutes later the whole team were gathered around the large table they frequented so often. Each one of them in complete shock at the scene unfolding before them. JJ stood in front of the table looking like she was about to present a case.

"I don't want you to hate me for this." JJ said quietly before beginning her story.

"About five months ago I came home from work to find Will in a horrible mood. I'm still not sure exactly what I did wrong apart from coming home a little late but whatever it was it was enough to upset him in a way I've never seen before."

_Flashback_

_JJ walked into the house to find it in utter darkness._

"_Will? Honey I'm home."_

_Receiving no answer she placed her purse and keys on the table before making her way into the kitchen._

"_What time do you call this?" His voice was raised but not overly._

_JJ paused to turn on the light, finding Will leaning against a kitchen unit._

"_Will I called you. I said I'd be home at around 7."_

"_Where the hell have you been?"_

"_What do you mean? You know I've been at work."_

_He moved closer to his fiancée, trying to intimidate her in the process._

"_I'll give you one more chance JJ. Where have you been?"_

"_Work."_

_Not liking her answer he raised his hand and brought it down across her face. JJ shuddered at his touch and moved back several steps. Tears ran down her pale cheeks as she realised the man she was going to marry had a nasty temper. _

_Will glared at her before suddenly changing, realisation set in and JJ saw the anger leave his eyes._

"_Baby I'm so sorry. I....I didn't mean to do that. Please forgive me." Will had pleaded with her._

"You remember that day I came in with a black eye? I told you all I'd been clumsy and bashed it on the car door after dropping my purse." She laughed a little and carried on not waiting for anybody to answer.

"He hit me. I thought it was a one off and I forgave him."

"Oh Sweetie..." Garcia interrupted.

"Pen please, no interruptions."

"A couple of weeks later it happened again and this time he left a bigger impact. He was more careful this time, making sure the bruises were in a place no body would see. You would have thought that they would have been easier to hide than a black eye but they weren't. Emily noticed just like she'd realised my black eye didn't come from the car door. It was on that day that we started our affair."

She looked up to see five very confused looking faces and realised that despite their profiling skills no one had picked up on the obvious attraction between the two women.

"I wanted to leave him but I was scared, scared of what he would do to me if I did. I'd seen the anger in his eyes at me just coming home a few minutes late, I knew he could kill me if I broke his heart. So I stayed but distanced myself from him, hoping that in the process he'd admit defeat and leave me....but he never did. He decided if..."

Tears were now freely running down her face.

"If I wouldn't give him what he wanted, he'd take it from me anyway."

Her hand quickly moved to her stomach, as if she had to protect the life growing inside of her from the people surrounding her.

"And that's how this little one happened."

Morgan slammed his fist into the desk startling everyone in the room.

"You killed him in self defence, none of this matters now. He's gone, he can't hurt you anymore." Morgan declared.

"Morgan please, it wasn't in self defence. The evidence doesn't support that and you know it."

She looked up at him to see tears escaping his eyes.

"I'm sorry guys."

Hotch was the one to break the silence that had engulfed the small room.

"JJ tell me about that night, the night it happened." His voice was full of concern and his mind was racing with ideas on how to make a deal.

"I just couldn't take it anymore. I'd already decided what I was going to do before I'd even left work. Emily took me for dinner and then she drove me home. I saw him watching us from the bedroom window and I knew I couldn't change my mind now. I said goodbye to Emily and made my way into the house. I took my gun from my purse and headed into the bedroom, he was still standing at the window, he didn't even turn to look at me but he spoke. He said....

"It's over JJ, you've just taken your last breath."

"I saw him reach for his gun on the window ledge but I pulled the trigger before he'd even reached it. I shot him twice in the back. I don't remember what I did after that, all I know is that I heard Emily screaming my name. Suddenly she was in the room and her arms were around me, she told me everything would be okay, that I was safe now. Then she made me leave, she walked me down to the car and she told me to go, to go somewhere where I would be recognised. I didn't want to leave but she insisted it was for the best. I didn't know then what she was going to do, I didn't know she was going to say it was her."

* * *

The door opened and Emily sighed at the sight of Hotch. She didn't want visitors and she certainly didn't want to go over and over the same thing again.

"Emily, you're free to go."

"What? What do you mean I'm free to go?"

"Jennifer told us what happened. I'm trying to cut her a deal, claiming emotional and physical abuse may allow her to accept a lesser plea."

"Woah...hold on a minute. JJ said she did this?"

"She's confessed, to everything."

"Hotch you're making a mistake, she didn't do this. It was me. I'll tell you everything, no more games I promise."

"Emily, please don't try to protect her."

Emily quickly lost her temper.

"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? IT'S HER TRYING TO PROTECT ME. I KILLED HIM, I KILLED WILL AND HE DESERVED IT, EVERY LAST BIT!"

Hotch sighed "Ok you've got my attention. I'll hear your side of the story."

They sat down in the small room and remained in silence for several minutes as both tried to figure out where to start. The fact that one of his own team had confessed to murder was hard enough but to have to sit through a second confession by another member of his team was pure torture. He knew that the worst was yet to come because in the end they had to decide who was telling the truth.

"I took JJ out to dinner, it was nowhere posh just a little cafe in town. She seemed distant and as we stood to leave I noticed she was shaking, like she was afraid to leave. I asked her what was wrong once we were in the privacy of the car, she wouldn't tell me. All she said was that she couldn't protect the baby anymore. I begged her to stay at mine but she said she couldn't."

Emily paused to wipe the tears from her eyes.

"She was hysterical and I knew I had to walk her into the house myself once we got there. When we arrived he was standing by the window of their bedroom, looking out on the drive. I took her into the house and made her wait downstairs while I went up to speak to him. I had no idea what I was going to say to him and I was so angry."

By this point she had become hysterical, her normal reserved self had long left and Hotch reached out across the table to take her hand in his.

"What was I supposed to do Hotch? The bastard was raping her, he was raping her every night and he was bragging about it. How he could take anything he wanted from her. He was going to take the baby from her too, make out she was an unfit mother, not willing to give up her job for their child when he'd given up everything. He was going to hurt her, he thought it was funny, he'd take everything from her, grind her down into nothingness. Then.....then he was going to kill her, to set it up as a suicide and he was going to get away with it. He laughed and said there was nothing I could do to stop him, nothing in the world and that's when I took JJ's gun from the dresser. I shot him twice, in the back. He didn't see it coming."

"I'm not sure what I did next all I know is that I heard JJ screaming my name. Suddenly she was in the room and I wrapped my arms around her, told her everything would be okay, that she was safe now. Then I made her leave, I walked her down to the car and told her to go, to go somewhere where she would be recognised. She didn't want to leave but I insisted it was for the best. I never thought she would say it was her."

_**If it's wrong to do what's right  
I'm prepared to testify**_


	4. Atempted Trickery

_**If loving you with all my heart's a crime  
Then I'm guilty**_

Aaron Hotchner had returned home that evening hoping to get a few hours sleep before starting afresh in the morning. It had been a trying day, he was sure it was the worst day of his career. He had many questions that remained without answers, some of those didn't bother him too much. It was the questions he had for himself that were twisting his heart.

_Why hadn't he noticed JJ's pain? _

_Why hadn't he noticed the on going affair between two of his agents?_

_If he had noticed would he have been able to stop it? _

_Stop what exactly? The affair or the murder?_

He shook his head, it wasn't murder. He refused to believe it, it was self defense. Proving it was the hardest job, declaring self defense when the victim has their back turned to the shooter was not a smart move. He needed something better than that but he wasn't sure what. They'd spent the rest of the afternoon putting together a profile, the only problem was both agents fitted the profile perfectly.

"_The unsub in this case knew what they were doing, two shots to the back directly level with the heart. They knew that it was possible that the first bullet could ricochet so fired a second time to make sure they would be successful." Rossi stated coldly._

"_Statistically speaking in 75 % of cases with this type of killing the unsub has been law enforcement or received military training, in some cases even both. The scene was too clean to be carried out by a first timer or someone without inside knowledge" Reid added._

"_Any evidence for male or female?" Morgan asked causing Hotch to sigh loudly._

"_Oh come on Hotch, what happened to covering every angle?"_

"_You're right Morgan I'm sorry."_

"_From looking at the positions of the entry and exit wounds, it's estimated that the shooter would be between 5 ft 4 and 5 ft 7. So in all likelihood the unsub is a woman." Reid said as he studied a piece of paper._

"_Or a really short guy." Rossi added._

"_So far we've found nothing to rule either one of them out?" Hotch asked._

"_Nothing. Everything fits both accounts."_

"_So what does the profile tell us about why the crime was committed?"_

"_The unsub was likely at breaking point, either through both emotional and physical abuse over a significant period of time or through anger and carried out the crime as an act of protection. It's difficult to distinguish between the two as ultimately they are intertwined as one. We could sit here until the end of time and we'd never find the truth." Morgan sighed._

"_Which is exactly what they want." Rossi said as he stood and made his way around the table._

"_If they both stick to their stories, we'll never know which one of them did it."_

"_I don't think that is their plan. Logically speaking it is more likely that they are protecting each other." Reid said without looking up from the paper in his hands._

"_Reid. If that is true then who is the more likely unsub?" Rossi questioned._

"_JJ is." He answered quietly. _

"_And why is that? Rossi questioned again although he already knew the answer._

"_Because she has much more to lose. This makes Emily feel more inclined to protect her. Not just for JJ but for the sake of the baby. What good will there be for that child with his father dead and his mother in jail? JJ is protecting Emily out of love, in the hope of confusing the situation so much that Emily can not be charged with murder." _

"_I don't think this was murder." Hotch finally answered, he took a deep breath before continuing._

"_If they were planning this, the best option would be to claim self defense right? But neither of them have, their stories indicate self defense but both have suggested otherwise. Also they would have staged it convincingly, they know how this works, they've been working cases like this for years. If they had meant to kill him they would have made him turn to face them first. Self defense wouldn't have even been questioned and they would have called it in themselves." _

"_So what do we do?" Penelope asked._

"_We only have one choice. We'll have to trick them into confessing."_

"_Isn't that the problem we already have? That they both confessed?" Penelope asked again, clearly confused by her boss's statement. _

"_We put them both in a room together, alone and hope that one of them says something to the other out of frustration."_

"_You expect them to believe that we won't be behind the glass?!" Morgan asked clearly frustrated._

"_We won't be. We'll hide a sound recorder in the room. Just a normal room, no glass. To make it seem even more innocent I plan to guide JJ into asking for it. If they think the other one asked for the meeting they may be more open in what they actually say. I know it isn't fair but it's our only chance. If we want to save them both. If we fail to determine who the unsub really is our team could be broken apart, you know we are on dodgy ground as it is. If we are seen as accessories to this it will be the end of the BAU." Hotch looked to his team._

"_Are you with me on this?"_

_No one answered but as he scanned the room he saw four identical nods in response. _

_

* * *

  
_

JJ looked up at the man standing before her, he was normally so strong and in control of his emotions but she could see this time that he was clearly broken. Her only wish was that the rest of the team had not been too affected by the series of events, she knew it was very unlikely but just thinking it was possible made her feel a little better.

"I'm sorry JJ."

"Sorry for what?" She questioned.

Hotch sits down on the bed beside her and wraps an arm around her shoulders, allowing her to rest her head in the crook of his neck.

"I'm sorry I didn't see this coming, I'm sorry that I couldn't do something to prevent this." He sighed, resting his head on top of the smaller agents.

"Hotch none of this is your fault. Please don't blame yourself. I did what I had to do to protect my baby and unfortunately in the process I exposed my family. Did I make the wrong choice?"

"No. No of course not. You had to protect the baby, I understand that. I would have done the same thing." He smiled slightly and kissed the top of her head.

As he stood he turned to ask her one more question.

"JJ is there anything I can do for you?"

She thought for a few seconds before answering.

"I suppose this is out of the question but could I see her just one more time?"

"I'll see what I can do."

Hotch left allowing the officer to close the door behind him, he wiped a small tear from his eye and headed down the corridor in search of an available room.

"God help me." He whispered to himself as he taped a sound recorder to the centre of the underneath of the table.

He paced the room trying to remain calm as he waited for his two friends to be brought into the room. He waited until they had both entered the room and sat at opposite sides of the table before closing the door.

"You have 10 minutes. I'll be waiting outside with the two officers. I'm sorry but I couldn't get you longer, you shouldn't even be getting this."

"I know Hotch and I appreciate this so much." JJ smiled.

As Hotch left Emily took JJ's hand and kissed it lightly before stroking her thumb across the back of her hand.

"J this is crazy. You need to retract your confession. What happens to bub when you're inside?"

"You're going to take him....or her."

"I'm what?"

"I want you to adopt them. They'll be safe with you."

"That's enough Jennifer! You will not lie to protect me, I won't allow it." Emily almost screams.

"Oh I get it, you'd rather lie and be locked away for the rest of your life than look after the baby. How could I be so wrong about you?" JJ snatches her hand out of Emily's grip.

"You know that isn't true, you know I love you and that I would do anything for you."

"Then why can't you do this for me?"

"Because it's not the right thing to do, we both know that."

JJ sighed.

"What happens if neither of us retracts our confessions?"

"Then we'll both pay for this, they won't drop it. Defendants who take different actions can be convicted of participating in the same crime. Under the longstanding felony-murder rule, any participant in a dangerous felony that ends in a killing - even the getaway driver - is as guilty of murder as the one who pulled the trigger."

"But Em one of us wasn't present, which ever story they believe."

"They'll send us both to trial hoping that one of us will crack. Please JJ just drop this. You gave up so much for me when we started this affair, let me do this."

Emily noticed JJ close her eyes and lower her head.

"JJ? Babe, are you okay?" Emily asked concerned.

"I'm fine, just a slight twinge that's all."

Emily reached across the table for her hand once more. She closed her eyes and prepared herself for the lie she was about to tell. She usually took pride in her honesty but today she knew that the need to lie was much greater than the need to be honest. Lying to the woman she loved more than anything in this word was not something she ever wanted to do but there was too much at stake here. The stress wasn't helping the baby.

"Baby, listen to me. If you go out there and tell them you've changed your mind that you didn't do this. Hotch can work me out a deal, we'll go for self defense, just change the story a little. I'll only get a few years and then we can be a family again. We'll get married, we'll be a proper family."

JJ laughed knowing that, that would be a huge struggle. If Emily left her now she wouldn't be coming back to a woman and child she didn't really want in the first place. She knew that Emily wasn't entirely comfortable with her being pregnant, if there had never been Will and they were openly together they wouldn't be having a baby now. JJ was sure of that, she was even surer that they wouldn't ever be having a baby and suddenly that bothered her.

A gentle knock on the door brought her back to reality and she smiled at Emily briefly.

"I'm sorry Em….I can't do this, I just can't."

"Please JJ if not for me then for the baby."

Both women stood up as the officers and Hotch entered the room. Emily was nearest to the door so was the first to be escorted from the room. She took one last look back only to see her whole world crashing down.

"JJ?" She shouted while trying to pull away from the officer.

She saw the fear in JJ's eyes as she held onto the table and the tears streaming her pale cheeks mirrored her own.

"JJ." She shouted again this time receiving an answer.

"Em…I'm bleeding….."

_**If loving you with all my heart's a crime  
Then I'm guilty**_


	5. Compartmentalising

**Sorry this has taken a long time to update but I'm working on chapter 6 already to make up for it :D**

* * *

_**I wanna give you all the things you never had  
Don't try to tell me how he treats you isn't bad  
**_

There were a lot of things that Emily Prentiss compartmentalised, she had become so good at it that almost all of her feelings could be pushed away and kept at bay. She had it down to a fine art, well that was until she met Jennifer Jareau. She had fallen for her instantly even though she wasn't a believer of love at first sight. In essence that had been her first mistake, she fought her feelings for too long. If only she had told JJ sooner then maybe they wouldn't be in this situation. Maybe she wouldn't be hurting so badly.

The first time her dark brown eyes met JJ's captivating blues she knew she was in trouble, it was like she'd taken a hit to the stomach or maybe her chest. That hit had taken her breath away, that hit had been love.

As the days passed she fell more and more in love with JJ. Her smile stole her heart, the swing of her hips stole her vision, her teary eyes stole her breath and the sound of her name on JJ's lips stole everything else. That woman had her completely and she would do anything, absolutely anything for her.

They weren't supposed to have an affair, Emily wasn't like that either was JJ but after that first kiss they were lost in each other. They passed the point of no return but neither of them were complaining. When they were together it should have been like Will didn't exist but it just didn't work out that way.

Emily Prentiss soon discovered that she could not compartmentalise everything. She could push away how much her friends meant to her, she could pretend that her and her Mother had no outstanding issues, hell she could even pretend her Mother approved of her sexual orientation. As a single woman she thought she was doing well but when JJ walked into her life she found that the things she wanted to push aside most were the things she was unable to.

She couldn't stop thinking about JJ.

She couldn't stop thinking about Will.

And most recently she couldn't stop thinking about what they had created.

Emily had decided at a young age that she didn't want to be a mother, she didn't deserve to be one. After the abortion she spent a long time trying to get rid of the guilt and as a result came her excellent ability of compartmentalising.

There was one major problem though because once the guilt was stripped away all she could think about was being a Mother. She would dream about JJ having their child, about holding it for the first time. They would be crying happy tears and JJ would be laughing as Emily tried to figure out how to hold a baby without being scared. Everything was going to be perfect, she had everything all planned out and then Will messed everything up.

He took everything away from her, she would never be able to forget him now. She would look into that child's eyes and see the man she despises most in the world staring back at her. He would be coming into her house to see his child and she would have to be polite and tell them what a great man their father was. Emily Prentiss is a strong woman but hell if she could do that.

After hearing the words she knew there was only one way out. She hated lying but she was going to do it, she was going to do that to protect them all. After all she wasn't Mother material.

****

"Em please say something."

"What the hell do you want me to say JJ? Do you want me to say congratulations?" Emily's tone was harsh.

"No Em. Do you seriously think I did this on purpose?"

"I don't know. Did you?"

"What?! No way. God Em."

"Come on think about it J, that would be a damn easy way to end this affair without telling me that you don't want me anymore."

"Emily this is ridiculous. I don't want to end things. I love you and I stupidly thought that you loved me."

"This has nothing to do with loving you."

"It has everything to do with love. I'm going to leave him, I just need to figure out how."

"Yeah well if you left him all those months ago we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"I can't believe you just said that."

"Well I did. The baby needs two parents, the baby needs a Mom and a Dad."

"Are you crazy? You think the baby needs a Father like Will?"

Emily sighed.

"Of course not J, I'm sorry you know I didn't mean that. You need to get out of there and I'll help you in whatever way I can but we can't do this anymore."

JJ wiped the tears from her pale cheeks.

"You...you don't want me anymore?"

"I want you, I just don't want the baby. I'm sorry I can't be what you need."

JJ ran from her office and straight for the elevator leaving Emily alone to consider the damage she had just caused.

****

The weeks that followed had been a nightmare. The two women took very different approaches to the situation. Emily avoided JJ at all costs, well she tried but JJ had other ideas.

JJ made sure that Emily realised what she was missing, she'd sway her hips every time she passed her, she would brush against her in every opportunity that arose and she made damn sure that the top two buttons of her shirt were undone when she bent over the table in front of Emily.

For four very long weeks Emily ignored everything and pretended that she didn't feel anything. The next four weeks were slightly easier, each day she fabricated the lie a little more, each day she started to believe that lie a little more. Then they caught a case. An eight month old baby boy had been kidnapped in Baltimore and by the time they had received the call he'd already been missing twelve hours.

Emily watched JJ shaking as she told the others about the phone call from the Baltimore police department, she watched the tears fall from her eyes as she sat silently at the back of the plane and she watched her walk away from the family as they described the earlier events. It tore her heart in two.

The boy's Mother had fallen asleep on the sofa after putting him down for a nap, the husband was at the store and on his return discovered that the baby was missing.

After an intense search they had found him. Unfortunately JJ had made the discovery herself. The Baby, Riley Joshua Wentworth was discarded in local woodland. Primarily he looked like he was sleeping, his tiny body absent of external injuries. The post mortem discovered he had died of extensive shaking, bruising ruled out the Father. The bruises caused from excessive gripping suggested a woman. Eventually Mrs Wentworth admitted to the crime. She hadn't meant to hurt him, she hadn't meant to take out her temper on the small child but every time she looked into his eyes she saw his Father.

It turned out that Mrs Wentworth had been attacked and raped around the time of conception. She got through the pregnancy by convincing herself that it was her husband's baby. It worked, pretending was easy when there was nothing there to dispute the facts but then she gave birth and his eyes stared back at her. She couldn't pretend anymore, she couldn't make believe that the attack had been a dream.

Later that night Emily had found JJ in a heap on the floor in her office. She suddenly forgot all of their differences, she suddenly forgot that she was supposed to be pretending that she didn't feel anything. She wrapped her arms around her ex lover and held her tight, she whispered words of comfort and reassurance.

"He didn't deserve to die like that, it wasn't his fault." JJ cried.

"I know baby, I know."

They spent the next ten minutes clinging to each other like their lives depended on it. JJ was terrified that if she let go Emily would walk away from her once again and Emily was just as terrified that if she let go she might actually break.

"Em I can't do this without you. I need you."

Emily sighed.

"You know these last few months have been hell. I tried to convince myself that I didn't want you, that I didn't need you but you're all I can think about. The truth is I don't think I can live without you."

"I can't go back there, not tonight. He'll make things worse."

"Come stay at mine, I'll keep you safe."

"Are you sure, I mean...."

"J. I'm sure. I want us to give this another go, I want us to be together. I was an idiot before, I said things that I shouldn't have said and I'm sorry."

JJ tilted her head upwards and captured Emily's lips with her own. The kiss was quick but passionate. Both women were unsure of how to proceed, should they be a little more needy, a little more forward or should they just let things happen naturally? Neither of them wanted to ruin what they had.

"I want to give you everything I have JJ. I want to treat you like you deserve to be treated. I promise you I'll never hurt you like he has, I promise to protect you. I'll do whatever it takes."

"I love you Emily."

"I love you too JJ and I think it's about time we talked about getting you away from him."

****

Emily kicked the metal frame that was supposed to be a bed, the memories were haunting her. If she closed her eyes she remembered how cold she had been towards JJ recently, if she sat down she saw the pain in JJ's eyes and when she stood up everything was so overwhelming she felt like she would pass out.

At first things had been great, they carried on as if they had never separated but then things changed. As JJ's stomach expanded Emily's dreams began. She dreamt of the Wentworth case but instead of the family being there it was her, she was holding a screaming baby in her hands and she was shaking him. He screamed louder and louder but she kept shaking, she kept shaking until he stopped. She would hold his limp body in her arms and her face showed no remorse. There was no remorse as she zipped him up in her go bag, no remorse as she laid him out in the words and no remorse as she informed JJ that he'd been taken.

The dreams only happened when she was with JJ. They even happened when they made love, she would zone out and drift off to the woods. She could only imagine how that looked to JJ. To JJ it looked like she didn't really want her, she didn't really want to be a family.

JJ would pull her hand onto her stomach as the baby kicked and images would flood Emily's head. The only way to rid herself of them was to remove her hand and watch the tears cascade down JJ's pale cheeks. She hadn't told JJ, she couldn't bring herself to cause her that much pain, it was so much easier to lie.

Emily had suddenly become everything she despised. She had become a liar and it was all his fault. If he hadn't of walked into their lives then she wouldn't be having these issues. There was only one way to correct things and she was going to do everything possible to make things right.

Emily sighed and shook her head, she didn't want to be thinking about the past or about the mistakes she had made. All she wanted to do was be at the hospital with JJ, she had no idea what was happening and the not knowing was killing her.

If it wasn't such a sad situation she would have laughed. At the prospect of losing something she had convinced herself that she didn't want she now wanted it more than anything in the world. She wanted this baby, she wanted to be with JJ every step of the way but she wasn't stupid. He knew that even if JJ wasn't miscarrying she would be locked up in a grotty cell for years to come and by the time she got out JJ would have moved on and the baby wouldn't be a baby anymore.

_**I wanna give you all the things you never had  
Don't try to tell me how he treats you isn't bad  
**_


End file.
